If I had a magic wand, I would use it to improve the lives of a lot of people, especially those of children from difficult households.
I lucked out. I found meaning in life at a young age. But then I let my formal education, family, and “society” lead me off course and tell me I was wrong. What I didn’t expect was that coming back to myself could be a humbling, fun, and laughter-filled experience (with some indignation, frustration, and at times hopelessness mixed in, because…well, I’m not THAT annoying).
My greatest success to date is having spent the 2018 holidays with my parents—10 days living in their house, and truly enjoying my time with them. It was fun! Prior to this, our relationship was strained due to my difficult upbringing, PTSD, and the fact that I was so easily triggered by things they said and did. We were estranged for the year of 2013. If my grandfather had not passed away in early 2014, I don’t know when I would have re-established contact with my parents. It didn’t feel right to miss my grandfather’s funeral. At the time, my parents and I hadn’t spoken in so long that they didn’t know where I was living—they had no idea I had moved. After my grandfather’s funeral, I kept in contact on as-needed basis, and eventually started seeing my parents out of obligation and guilt. It was cold, strained, and uncomfortable. I seethed with resentment. Until late 2018. I have always wanted to be part of a happy family; I wished I had been born into a happier family, and I wanted a big family of my own someday, and I wanted the two at the same time so that my future children could grow up knowing their grandparents. What I didn’t realize was that I don’t have to choose between being miserable with my own family or forming a new family to be happy with. 2018 proved to me that I could be happy with my family of origin. Working toward this goal has been the most frustrating, humbling, angering, and amusing journey of my life.
Now 30-something, I’m still guided by my desire to help others, and hoping to fall in love, get married, and raise children who feel safe and loved. ❤️